Pretty Yugi
by Cabbitshivers
Summary: Pegasus is bored, Yugi and Yami are stumped, and Pegasus has a little one-of-a-kind card that he's been wanting to try out for quite a while now. Perhaps it's the perfect time to use it... [Parody to Roy Orbison's 'Pretty Woman']


Disclaimer and Authors Notes:

I was utterly insane when I wrote this. I own nothing! When I'm bored this is what comes out... Just like "There's a Hole in My Bucket". I don't watch Yu-Gi-Oh all that much (or rather, I DIDN'T use to), but this is just a silly idea I had, I don't know the rules, can barely recall this episode, so live with whatever stupidity and trespasses on fan's ego's I have made. Nyeah! *Beeeeda!*

_Dedicated to Linden for finding me a Celtic Guardian_

P R E T T Y Y U G I

Pegasus stared across the duelling board at the tri-colour haired boy that stood staring pale-faced and nervous at the cards in his hand. The boy knew he couldn't win, and the spirit within his Millennium Item seemed just as helplessly confused as his host did. Pegasus knew he had the win down pat. There was no way that he could possibly lose this duel, not when his Millennium Item allowed him to see into other's minds. But... the duel was just a little too boring as it was being played now, even though Yugi-boy and his Yami were providing rather delightful entertainment by being so wonderfully confused and scared. Pegasus felt that he needed something funny, though, something that would make him laugh and terrify the others into fleeing his castle with mindless babbling trailing after them. He needed something so damn hilarious that even he would have trouble playing through his laughter... Something like...

He snapped his fingers. That was such a brilliant idea! And now to put it into play.

"Excuse me, gentlemen." He said aloud, drawing the attention of both the nervously sweating Yugi and the yami that resided in his Millennium Puzzle away from the cards in his hand. "Will you play your turn now, please? I have a new card that I would most dearly like to use. If you two could just ever so slightly hasten yourselves?"

Yugi-boy's violet eyes widened so far that they were almost as large as they were before he stepped onto the duelling podium. Pegasus felt hard-pressed to contain the laugh that wanted to bubble up just from that expression alone.

"H-how...?" The much taller than usual boy stuttered.

Pegasus smiled. So the boy had control at the moment.

"Yes, I know about your yami, Yugi-boy. Now please tell him to hurry his hand." He chortled. Pegasus was becoming impatient. He wanted to play his plan.

"Uh...um..." He stuttered.

Pegasus watched, still amused, as the persona changed, the face of his opponent becoming slightly older and definitely more annoyed.

"Fine then." The deeper voice said to him. "I play Celtic Guardian in defence mode."

Pegasus could no longer contain his laughter, and a small giggle shook its way up through his throat. "Good boy!" He cried. "I was hoping you'd choose that one! Now I can have a great deal of fun with these two of your favourite monsters!"

The older Yugi blinked confusedly, looking from their Dark Magician who was still in defence mode, to their Celtic Guardian who was the same.

Pegasus almost felt like clapping his hands. This was exciting! Pulling out the card in his hand, the one he had never before played and thus had never before been seen by anyone else, he played it down face up on the scanner and watched in ecstatic delight as it was brought up on the board.

"I'd like you two to meet my Discombobulated Duke Box!" He cried, the largest smile he had felt in a while plastered on his face.

"Your WHAT?!" Yugi's yami cried, eyes wide in his shocked face. "What is it?! I've never seen a card like this before!"

Pegasus smirked, utterly delighted. "Of course you haven't, Yugi-boy's yami. Because this card I've only just designed! What do you think, isn't it wonderful?"

The boy standing across the board from him stared at the new monster, a bright red and yellow old-style duke box with green and purple aqua lights tracing odd patterns on it.

"It's... interesting." The other admitted. "It's not quite a Monster card, is it?"

"Nope." Pegasus admitted, pleased that the one across from him had noticed. "It's a half-breed, as I like to call it. Both Magic and Monster, so it can be played in either field."

"That's a form of cheating, Pegasus."

Pegasus grinned again. "Oh, but that's the beauty of it!" He cried. "I created the game, and this card as part of the game, so I can't really be cheating, can I?" He settled his amused one-eyed gaze on the face of his opponent. "Would you like to see what it does?" He asked. He didn't give the yami time to reply. "I'm sure you would!" He shouted, turning his voice towards his Monster. "Discombobulated Duke Box! Mix and Master!"

The laughter couldn't be contained when two open record cases appeared suddenly from behind the Celtic Guardian and the Dark Magician, while another two appeared from behind Pegasus's other monsters that were on the field. The record cases flipped closed on the monsters and then flew across to the centre of the field where they began to be shuffled, while inside of the duke box the records that were visible through the window began to spin.

Pegasus' laughter doubled when he saw the helpless look on Yugi-boy's face as the record cases opened and their Monsters emerged, all of them without their usual costume and dressed identically in tight leather pants and leather jackets with large zips half undone. They all lined up, side by side, and waited for the duke box to stop spinning, identical large black glasses perched on each of their noses.

"I wonder which song it will land on..." Pegasus mused to himself loud enough for Yugi-boy and his supporters to hear. 

Yugi-boy or his yami - he wasn't sure who was occupying the body at the moment - managed to drag his eyes away from his Dark Magician and Celtic Guardian long enough to stare at Pegasus with confused violet eyes. 

"What do you mean?" He asked. The voice was too deep. Must be his yami. "What's going to happen? What IS happening?"

"You'll see." Pegasus told him, his chuckling starting up again, and then stopping abruptly when the spinning of the records inside of Discombobulated Duke Box halted with a loud click. Then the sound of a silent record being played started up, and a beam of light shot out from the face of the duke box. It solidified into an image of himself, dressed the same as the Monsters, large dark glasses included, and then the music started to play.

Pegasus couldn't help himself when he recognised the tune being loudly belted out of the duke box, and collapsed against his stand in laughter. He was very sure his eyes were going to start watering as soon as his image from the duke box began to sing.

He was right, too.

"Pretty Yugi

On the duelling stand

Pretty Yugi

I'd like to see your hand

Pretty Yugi."

Pegasus's eyes definitely did begin to water, and he had a hard time trying to glimpse the look on young Yugi's face when he understood just what it was that his image was singing to him. He didn't miss it, though, and his expression was just so frustratingly hilarious that he began to slap his fist against the podium in ecstatic happiness.

"Your yami's scary, that much is true

And he looks so much like you..."

"Mercy!" All their monsters sang, the southern accent to their voices and the swaggering of their hips as they danced backup to the duke box image of Pegasus bringing the most incredulous expression to Yugi-boy's yami's face. Pegasus couldn't help but laugh even harder. This was better than he'd thought! And they weren't even halfway through the song!

"Pretty Yugi

Won't you pardon me

Pretty Yugi

I couldn't help but see

Pretty Yugi.

All of the cards that were in your hand,

I wish you could understand"

A look close to anger passed over Yugi-boy's face, his eyes still as wide as saucers, however, and it made him look even more dumbstruck. Pegasus began to laugh so hard that the dancing monsters on the field began to look like little more than watercolour blurs that moved. His hand almost felt like it was going to fall off any minute as well, from all the constant bashing it was doing against the podium. "Ah, God!" He gasped, slamming his hand even harder.

"Pretty Yugi, stay a while

Pretty Yugi, play a while

Pretty Yugi, give a mile to me"

"Hey-ey-ey..." The backup Monsters sang.

"Pretty Yugi, yeah, yeah, yeah

Pretty Yugi, look my way

Pretty Yugi, say you'll stay with me

'Cause I need you, the yami's light

Come to me, baby, be mine tonight"

Now the yami just looked plain infuriated, and Pegasus laughed so hard that he couldn't help but slide completely off the podium. He fell to the floor with a rather undignified sounding 'thump!' and just wound up laughing harder. The thought of dieing from laughter passed briefly across his mind as he gasped for breath, but he was too busy finding everything so wonderfully funny that he couldn't concentrate on anything. Standing up was proving to be quite a task, as well...

"Pretty Yugi

Don't pass this by

Pretty Yugi

Don't want to spy

Pretty Yugi

Don't walk away, hey, O.K.

If that's how your yami is, O.K.

I guess I'll go win now, it's late

There'll be another duel, but wait!"

In the pause there was only Pegasus' near hysterical laughter to be heard. "Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, _ SHIT_!"

"What do I see?

Is he walking back to me?

Yeah, he's walking back to me!"

The Monsters all stopped dancing, standing straight and rigid, and all together sang the last line of the song.

"Oh, Pretty Yugi!"

The Discombobulated Duke Box stopped with a quiet whirring sound and a loud 'click'. The image of Pegasus abruptly disappeared back into the duke box, and the Monsters were left standing in their leather costumes in the centre of the field as the duke box disappeared with a soft 'poof'.

A full minute passed while nobody moved, not even Pegasus who now lay half over his duelling podium, trying to keep himself upright and from laughing. Gasping for breath he eyed those around him, the shocked, dumbstruck appearance of Yugi-boy's yami, the almost terrified expressions of most of his friends up on the balcony watching, and the face of the white-haired boy who was trying his hardest not to burst out into tears.

He surprised everyone, however, when instead of bawling his eyes out he practically keeled over and screamed in laughter.

"Damn!" He shouted. "That's so funny!" And Pegasus watched him as he slammed his fists against the ground too and laughed hard enough to scare his friends that stood around him. Everybody stared at him in alarm, and Pegasus couldn't help but join in on the laughter. It turned out much better than he'd even thought!

It was even better when something moved out on the field, and their attention was drawn to the Dark Magician who had taken off his glasses and was staring at them with a face whiter than that which Pegasus had painted him with. Abruptly, the Dark Magician dropped to his knees, stunning everyone who hadn't expected such a thing, and wailed at the top of his lungs. 

"I'm so ashamed!"

No one blinked when Celtic Guardian moved over to his side with a sad expression on his face and patted the sobbing Dark Magician's shoulder comfortingly. Everything was just too weird to comprehend.

"I think I need to sit down." Yami Yugi said, his voice as toneless as it was possible, and promptly fell backwards in a dead faint.

Owari


End file.
